I am a woman overcome by music and the sweet smell of the air in the summer. I am a true romantic. So when my life was thrown to the into turmoil. I thought. Why me? I am a mother and I am happy. But then you met a man that struts into your life and smiles and you melt. But your husband that helps you clean and mows then lawn (when you nag him)is great too. I never set out to be a cheater. And you all can hate me. I understand. I hate me. But it was never meant to be this.
Back story: Fought with my husband so I moved out for two weeks in with mom no doubt. Horrid!! Was invited to a birthday party that weekend. Our kids (other man) know each other and guess what we started talking and talking. And I realized he had depth and I saw beneath the hard exterior to the man that he really was. I saw that we had simialr goals and dreams. I fell hard. I tried to resist and so did he but we sat near to each other and next thing you know we in each others arms. His mouth on mine and the it was a fairytale kiss. It was pure love and truth in that kiss. I have never felt like that. That was weeks ago and now it is all a mess. Home with my husband and pining for another man. I feel him in the air and wonder where he is. But I screwed up or took the high road however you want to view it.
So I spent a weekend with him in heaven with him and then heard some rumors. Let's describe me a little. I am a mother. That is what defines me. My true self has been lost for awhile. I do what is in their best interest and will continue to do so. I teach, read to them, cook, clean and play with them. I do all I need to do so that they have all that I never had. I lost my true mother young. She and I had a hard relationship and I blamed her for the end of the marriage between my parents. Young children in divorce situations are always forced to make a choice and I chose dad. Simple then and harder when she died and we were fighting. That's when you get hurt. Anyways, so I am super mom. I volunteer in the community and help everyone that asks me and I never say no to anyone. I am in truth trying to make up for my past sins. For the mean things I said to my mom and did when I chose dad. Even though dad would never admit I did that or that he even cared enough about me. He is not the loving type. Anyways, off subject, so James is like a biker from sons of anarchy and my husband is like family guy but heavier.
So, heard a rumor he was sleeping with someone else and at the same time he sent a text letting me know he wasn't looking for a relationship. I put two and two together and flipped out. And due to technology you now can text really mean things without having to call. Cause we all know I didn't have the balls to say that on the phone. In which, I pissed him off. Gets better. A relative suggested I move in with them. Getting out of the family home. so of course i tried it out. oh boy. Then he thought I moved in to get closer to him. Whatever. In truth maybe but not really. So I left because I would never make anyone uncomfortable. Only myself. Then I looked at the kids and realized. Oh crap!!
Anyone want to say bad mom. Yep me too. About this time I realized me kids were not reacting well to this so I went home. It was a bad decision. James was right about one thing. At one point I stopped loving my husband. I dont know when or why just know it happened. And now I am in love with another man. Forever cursed to remain the perfect stefford wife.
Long story. Husband has a temper and he got mad and hit a TV (about 2 inches from my face) and broke his knuckle. After finding out, and I still am home. Missing some cheating man and living with a husband that likes to hit things when he is mad. Wondering when the next blow with land on me. At least he waits for the kids to go to bed.
Funny, after writing this and reading this and texting James I miss him and getting cool as a response. I realize I am a woman with masters changing names and really not husband (more like one year boyfriend) so as not to be found out when I want James to read this but will it change a thing. I dont think so. He knew how I felt cause I wear my heart on my sleeve. He also knew cause yes ladies I drunk texted three times. Twice very nice once not so nice. And he called me a fat cunt. And I still miss him. Who is pathetic?
